Results of Pelvic Ultrasound & Helpful Female Links

 Drinking: Cuppa (mint) Tea

So I had a doctor's phone call appointment this morning, found out some results of my ultrasound (I need to see a Gynae to get a full rundown of the results.) What I know so far is that I have an enlarged uterus, my right ovary is larger than my left and I more than likely have another condition called Adenomyosis .

From what I can gather it's not unusual to have this as well as having Endometriosis, Endo grows on the outside of the uterus and Adenomyosis grows on the inside and is more common in women who have had children (given birth to). Treatment usually involves anti-inflammatories, warm baths and heat bags. The usual non-helpful things I use for Endo anyway. Apparently post menopause it is supposed to go away on its own, but a hysterectomy can assist with the process.

This link I found informative for my current situation: https://www.jeanhailes.org.au/resources/uterus-cervix-ovaries-fact-sheet

And if you're concerned about the Covid-19 Vax and your female health this link provides some facts (edited in November 2021) https://assets.jeanhailes.org.au/Fact_sheets/Women-and-the-COVID-19-Vaccines-Your-questions-answered.pdf?_ga=2.220534800.965995592.1642600672-2115779845.1642600672

Pelvic Ultrasound Day

 Drinking: 1 Litre of Water

Early in 2021 I asked my doctor for a referral to get a pelvic ultrasound done.... One year on I've finally booked that appointment and am currently drinking the required litre of water. I cannot believe it has taken me this long to get it done!

Not done yet though, I got to finish drinking the water first by 1:30pm, then I have to hold on to that water - no toilet breaks!! Then get to my appointment. I'm fairly certain I am having both an external and an internal exam done today.

I have been trying to recall how long ago I had my last laparoscopy it would have to be a few years ago now and I am fairly certain it was postpartum (after Henry) as I had a D&C done too. 

It probably sounds a little weird, but I am hoping it is just Endometriosis pains and nothing worse.

Inspiring Women

 Drinking: Water  |  Eating: Toobs

So I wanted to write a little about some inspirational women that have entered my life recently:

One of them being the beautiful Elise who I met through the #fibrofiles blog world on facebook earlier in 2021 and who is the business owner of Here's to Strength based here in Southern Adelaide. I feel we share some similarities in our individual journeys I will refrain from detailing them on here, except that we both have chronic pain from Endometriosis and Fibromyalgia. 

Elise has the most wonderful soul and is such a powerful inspiring woman I am very glad to have met her and to be following her passion. There are not many women who are like Elise, who are both pained by their health yet spreading happiness and strength to other women; and perhaps people in general. Please click on her web link up above in the first paragraph to read more about her and her Self Love Mission.

Oh and to purchase one of her lovely products to help you in your own chronic pain journey click on this link > products for chronic pain relief

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I have also been writing letters to a woman called Lea who I met through the #fashmates online fashion and art platform. We have been sharing stories about how different yet how similar our place in the world is. Like myself Lea suffers with chronic pains particular restless legs syndrome. It has been really nice writing to one another and share an interest in creating digital art sets within the Fashmates world.

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Another inspirational female writer is Caroline whom I follow on both facebook and (just tonight) instagram as well CW Poet Caroline writes the most inspirational and thoughtful words. Sometimes they are soul touching and other times they are saddening.

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And also The Empowered Woman on facebook they write encouraging posts.

And now to bed,

for me.

x

Endo Pains, Life with Kids, dog attack & Halloween 2021

Drinking: peppermint tea  |  Listening to: Rag'n'Bone Man on Spotify

Endo (Endometriosis) pains are earlier this month, I'm not quite at the 48th day of the cycle just yet (I think it's next Monday) but oh my gawd! Pains in my thighs running down from my pelvis and stabbing pains in my ovaries, combined with that all too familiar deep ache somewhere near my cervix. It all just seems to have come on out of the blue. By the way I'm hiding away in my bedroom because Tilli has forewarned that she is in a REALLY BAD mood, so I let her walk home from the bus stop today. Blair is pissing me off. Lord I am really trying to be there for them all, sometimes, just sometimes you can't. I can't.

A lot of stress has been happening at the moment at home with the kids, with my health, with finance. I know, I know story of everyone's life - this is normal though. This is what our normal is. Crazy, busy, stressful and PAINFUL! I went out of my way last night to make something that I thought my daughter Tilli could try to eat (she's fussy with her food) and given that she has been enjoying scrambled eggs lately I thought I would also try her on a vegetable quiche and serve hers with the salad that she (usually) enjoys eating. It wasn't much trouble for me to make the salad it's only mixed greens with shaved Parmesan cheese and sliced cucumber; no condiments or seasonings - though just between you and me I did add salt and pepper this time. I also had some of the salad with my slice of quiche and heated up fish fingers and chicken fingers for the boys. Yes, it was a bit of a mix-matched dinner but each to their own. Plus I finally got to have a bloody quiche! 

Tilli on learning that dinner was a quiche said no thanks, I don't wanna try it, so I added that I had also put on a few of the chicken fingers for her as backup though she couldn't have many as I needed them for the boys. She seemed to not want any of the salad before even eating some, I had put it in the fridge momentarily to keep it fresh, it wasn't cold at all, yet she told me it was too cold on her teeth and refused to eat any of it. And this is coming from the teenager that crunches on ice-cubes!! Disappointed mumma here. Apparently the chicken fingers were over done, so they were too hard for her to eat and inside them was not a lot of chicken meat. Overly critical children are hard to accommodate. Henry also refused to eat much of his plate of chicken/fish fingers though he did eat his one tiny potato with butter on it, I was happy about that. And surprisingly he turned his nose up at the tomato sauce bottle. Weird! Blair on the other hand on thinking he had started disliking fish fingers actually ate ALL of his and Henry's and Tilli's chicken fingers too. Blair had mixed vegies with his and the buttered spuds. Hubby had the same but with a huge slice of quiche.

Anyway, I enjoyed dinner.

* * *

Had Halloween recently - well back on the 31st October, I wasn't sure how many trick-a-treaters we would get this year, and in the end we actually had a little less then the previous year both due to Covid-19.

 

The blue-fairy lights from Christmas 2020 have been sparkling all year under the big Acacia tree out the front, so I decided to add this year's Halloween spider web to it as well, creating an archway along the slate path. That's our old cat - Molly, we adopted her from the RSPCA quite a few years ago now, she's about 11 years old.

* * *

We didn't want to adopt another dog after Goucho left us for doggie heaven, however a couple of weeks later Skye our Jack Russell x Whippet was really struggling. We had originally adopted Skye from the RSPCA as a companion for Goucho, so all she had known and grown up with from the age of 8 weeks old was having a brother bigger than her. So we did a bit of searching online via the RSPCA and found a beautiful looking dog called Sterling who had come from a bit of a troubled past it seemed, he was 5 years old and 4 months and we were told that in his previous home he was picked on by a bigger dog but grew up with a little baby, and slept at night with a cat. So, after about 2 weeks of having Sterling we unfortunately had to surrender him to the RSPCA because he violently attacked our little Skye. That was a horrible event to witness happen but it was the right thing to do. Sometimes being a parent and having to make these kind of decisions is really hard. 

I had just started to get a soft spot for Sterling - he was like a HUGE (teddy) bear, I still feel sorry for him, sorry he couldn't stay with us and be a part of our family. I hope he finds a more suitable forever home. 

Skye was badly injured though from the attack we took her to the local vet and got her eye lid looked at, we got some ointment for it and a course of pain killers and antibiotics as well. She was also injured near her neck region and a couple of small nicks around her face. Her eye lid was really bad though and she was extremely lucky it wasn't any lower otherwise she would have lost an eye in the attack. There was so much blood everywhere when it happened, I got a lot of it on me. She is much better now though, everything has healed nicely.

My 48 Day cycle post Contraceptive Pill & other ramblings

Listening to: Soft Pop & R&B on Spotify
Eating: Banana Walnut Muffin | Drinking: Green Tea

I had a tough week, spent most of it in bed with #Endometriosis pains and a period that has been coming every 48 days (now) since I was forced to stop taking the pill. My period was achy legs and thighs, migraines and no sleep. And of course heavy bleed with black clots.

I'm pretty sure (despite my GP's thoughts) I have started #perimenopause . The symptoms of which overlap with #Fibromyalgia a lot!

I was ever-so grateful that hubby stepped up and took over a lot of what I do around the house. It was unbelievably nice to have dinner made for me (and the family) every night. To know that I was not alone in looking after the household - including feeding the 2 dogs and the cat.

I spent Thursday mostly in bed still but got up in the arvo and then today I chose to support hubby on a scrap metal run. Granted I did not physically do much, I couldn't my hip bursitis was giving me no end of grief. Hauling poles onto the trailer in the gusty chill wind that came in over the southerly part of the sea at Goolwa Beach; Brrrr! that was the pick-up that made my body ache all over. And that all to knowing burn feeling in the legs like you've run a marathon. Ouchies as I carefully pulled my own legs up into the car afterwards, to head off to the next pick-up.

I'm most definitely not as strong as I used to be, and I really do still overestimate my strength. I think that would have to be one of the hardest things dealing with Fibro for me - is not being able to move a pot plant when I want to, and having to wait instead for hubby (occasionally my youngest son). I love being in the garden amongst my plants, but bending over once... is pushing it, bending over more than that and I'm going to be in agony shortly after.

I hate having to consider keeping a little in my battery tank (so to speak) so I can get back inside and wash my hands without being in too much pain.

In the car today, somewhere between Victor Harbour and Goolwa South I tried to brush some dog hair off of my pants, OMG did that hurt! My touch was light, non-existent, but it hurt. I remember explaining this to hubby. Sometimes I wonder if even he thinks it's insane, that I'm making it up. The stupid #fibrobody

Suffice to say I will more than likely be in a flare tomorrow - and tomorrow is wash day. I'm planning on thinking #happythoughts #pinkelephantsinleotards I do not want to feed that #fattyamigdala

[Shoutout to #Emmawarnepsychology ]

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As written originally on my facebook personal blog > https://www.facebook.com/bohemiansolitude/posts/116951824084486

HELPFUL LINKS:

Pelvic Pain

Endometriosis

4 Stages of Endo

Perimenopause

Women's Health

Social Media

 Listening to: Pete Murray "The Byron Sessions" 2013

I find the social media circus of fibro/endo etc.. a whirlwind of helpful advice, yet everytime I take a break from it then re-join groups and re-activate blogs etc.. I can't cope. My brain goes into overdrive, I know this sounds really weird but it's like my brain can't breathe. 

I long time ago I left all the Endometriosis facebook groups because so many women in there were downright nasty and "know-it-alls". I have since found the joining Chronic Pain groups people are generally a lot more friendly, caring and open to opinions. Just because one method works for you with Endo (for example) it does not mean it will then work for someone else. That's one of the issues with the Endo groups, but it's information overload with the fibro bloggers. I guess I really need to knuckle down and find a happy medium that's going to work for me. 

I am pleased that I have found another Australian who has Endometriosis and Fibromyalgia (among other things) like me. Some of you may already know of her The Disabled Diva .

Migraines...

 Drinking: Black Tea | Eating: wholemeal toast with Vegemite

I hate migraines! I hate a lot of things come to think of it, my body's neurological system is a wreck. I've been having migraines - the classic ones with the tummy ache and nausea first as well as the aura ones - those latter ones are awful. I get like a kaleidoscope of flashing lights for what seems like ages either out of both eyes or just the one eye - usually my good eye. I can still kind of see but not so great, and it leaves me feeling dizzy and overwhelmed. I was trying to hang up a load of washing last Friday when one started. It didn't dawn on me that it was going to be a migraine because I rarely get aura ones. Wouldn't have mattered anyway because I can't take any painkillers to help reduce the pain.

I can't take pain killers for anything at the moment! Nothing I take seems to be working. Is it like a massive bad batch or something?? So I put up with the aches and pains of it all, whether it be Endometriosis, Fibromyalgia or migraine! If I had to do a would you rather scenario here I would rather Endo and Fibro at the same time than a bloody migraine.

Anyway I finally got in to see my doctor, it's taken like a month of Sunday's to make it there as I kept on picking up a bug. And that meant that I would have to face a barrage of Covid related questions and more than likely not be allowed to have a face-to-face appointment; of which I have been desperately needing to find out my blood test results and query the cyst on the brain that I read in the report from the MRI I had a few weeks ago now. AND to do a new mental health plan.

So... on telling my doctor about my migraines she told me she wants me to stop taking the pill. The Pill! The Contraceptive Pill!! For various reasons - mainly because it is probably why I am getting migraines all the time now, which puts me at much greater risk of a stroke (among other things). I never was taking the pill to stop me from getting pregnant - I started it way back when I was in my early twenties (prior to sex even becoming a factor). It was recommended to me by a sexual health social worker through SHINE with whom I was seeing in regards to a really awful internet date that happened in the late 1990s. Yeah my first date from a dude I met online - screwed me up for many years. One could say - at least I survived it - because I very nearly didn't. 

Anyway I have been taking the Pill for about 25 years now I reacon and suddenly being told to not take it is like a slap in the face - I think I am going to listen to this advice this time is because of the enormous risk I now have facing me if I do continue to take the pill. But to walk away from my doctor with no pain relief from the migraines is a tad disconcerting. I shouldn't have to be - used to pain; there should be some kind of relief out there for me. I can't take Codeine and I'm allergic to Penicillin.

I started writing this blog entry last night and I guess I should really finish up writing it tonight. I have so much to say on this topic. My head and my neck are killing me and have been for well over 14 days now. And yeah I am used to the intensity of this pain and I've had enough of it on top of everything else. 

I am on night 2 of not having the pill. I was the kind of woman that skipped her periods indefinitely as my way of escaping the Endo pains - it would work for the most part until some invisible cycle whooshed around again and the pains would be agonising. This past year or so has been Endo pains combined with Fibro pains. It's been hell! There's been no relief - and now it's going to get worse and there's nothing I can do about it. It's going to be Endo pains plus the irregular heavy bleeding and everything else. 

 

 

Hi there, not in a great head space tonight, I can't quite put my finger on it, though I did eventually tell hubby that I wasn't actually annoyed at him, I was not happy with number 9 - because he doesn't help out around the house; like he's supposed to. My head feels like an implosion - way too much going on inside it. I got the bum steer late this arvo on the phone - rung one number then got told I need to ring some other number, to then get told we're sorry for the wrong information, however the first people you rang were the ones who can fix the issue. So ALL that stress triggered my Endo pains instantly. 

Hubby ended up having a sleep late arvo about 5:30pm - even though he told me this morning that he didn't want to sleep today - whatever! He worked one big job this morning for a property that he does once a month I think. He said he was going to have an hour's rest - ahuh. I felt despondent about cooking dinner tonight, so I made something basic for the kids and decided not to cook anything for myself and figured hubby could make his own meal. All I really wanted was a pancake - but unfortunately to eat one of those I must make it myself. I ended up making two batches one sugar free and high in protein for hubby's health kick and another batch the usual basic pancakes. Both batches ended up being quite thick; which I guess is okay.

Oat & Protein Pancakes

2 medium size free range eggs

1 scoop of "very chocolate" flavoured 100% Whey protein powder

1/2 cup frozen mixed berries

1/2 cup rolled oats

1 cup of wholemeal flour

1 cup of self-raising flour

1 cup of (sugar free) tinned apples

1 cup or there-abouts of chilled water

~

1. Blitz oats with whey in blender until resembles crumbs, then pour into a mixing bowl.

2. Blitz apples in blender until smooth, add to oats mix.

3. Use Electric beaters to blend 2 eggs separately, then add to mix.

4. Sift in flour in 2 lots, add to mix.

5. Combine ALL ingredients

6. Pour chilled water into mix, gradually stirring until smooth and blended.

7. Let batter sit for 5-10 mins before pouring 10-15cm rounds into hot, lightly sprayed with oil pan.

~

Serve pancakes with a dollop of sugar free berry yoghurt and a handful of fresh mixed berries. If you're not on a health kick swirl a little Queen's sugar-free Maple Syrup on top.

Bon Appetit!

I so desperately need "me time".

I need time out from everyone else's emotions and thoughts AND needs.

My brain and my empathetic nature is in overload.

My head hurts - deep inside and out.

I can't seem to get any time to myself, any true time.

I'm tired of being there for everyone.

I guess for you to imagine what it's like, think of a million voices whispering in your head all at once, some talking loud, some talking louder.

And your body, aching, sore, tender, burning.

--

I have been playing a mind game of late:

I imagine myself packing a small bag, and heading down south for the weekend.

I am - just me - by myself.

No digital devices.

A place to recapture me.

To breathe again.

--

It's so incredibly hard living daily with Fibro and Endo and PTSD AND having to constantly be on the watch for ALL of my garden plants and house decor; in case number 9 decides to destroy something. AGAIN.

I need to check out, somehow.

The violence of January 11th has not settled within me, and has been proven since that is still an issue in the home - sadly.

- Odé to be an innocent child again, growing up in a world where digital devices hardly existed.

 

Introduction about my life as an artist and in chronic pain

An Introduction:

I created this blog because I needed a place to share about my life....

Primarily, I am a freelance artist - the Bnspyrd name has been around on the internet for many years, providing free resources (like vintage photos, child-stock, textures and background borders) for other artists to use in their artistic endeavours. However although I dearly love creating and sharing these I have been unable to for many years, and this saddens me; for the most part I have little to no motivation to create and have faced many a hurdle. #artistsblock

Yesterday, I celebrated (I don't think I can really call it a celebration) our 6 year Wedding Anniversary, we spent a brief amount of time together sharing our memories of the odd Summer's day that we came together as one; in the garden of our (then) home. Which is just a stone's throw from where we are now - in the seaside suburb of Seaford, South Australia. It does not seem like 6 years have passed - yet we have already been planning for our 10 year Wedding Anniversary, especially ALL the special touches we will include that we missed out on with our rather rushed original Wedding. The wedding had a vintage theme.

Anyhow, I have #Fibromyalgia - I was officially diagnosed in late 2019 via a Rheumatologist and confirmed via a chronic pain clinic/physiotherapist in early 2020. I then went on to do a chronic pain course for 8 weeks (which thankfully was subsidised by a scholarship and covered by Medicare). The course included access to a dietitian/nutritionist, a psychologist, Pilates/physio gym equipment, personal trainers that specialise in chronic pain and injuries. It was a very informative course run by the Marion Physiotherapy team. And yes I would highly recommend the chronic pain course - not for sufferers of Fibromyalgia though.

I also have #Endometriosis officially diagnosed in early 2001 but the pains experienced through out my childhood.

So, combining both Endo and Fibro with the newísh addition to the family - a (then 8 years old) step-son who was forced into our care one weekend and has numerous issues - mostly behavioural; my life is like walking on egg-shells EVERY day! Imagine if you had to be hypervigilient all the time? Well that's what it's like with him in the house, it is so incredibly exhausting. I will write more about him another time.

I have a daughter from a previous domestic violence relationship which lasted 9 years, she was just 3 years old when I managed to leave (also another story for another post). She is currently 14 years old, and a son who is 6 years old from my marriage.

My blog will primarily be about my life surrounding the challenges of living with these chronic illnesses, combined with PTSD and any of the aforementioned. It will also include many positive highlights of my journey through and then out of this mess. It will include my self-discovery through my art which I will likely share on this platform and provide links as to where you can also view it online. I would also very much like to hear from any other bloggers who may face the same or similar life hurdles as I am; please feel free to leave your blog link in the comments section on this post.

To get through the hardest journey you need to take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping. (Chinese Proverbs)

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Fibromyalgia  |  Domestic Violence  |  Endometriosis  |  PTSD