Tuesday, May 10, 2022

Fibro and Sleep - Best Teas for sleep



Given that sleep is very hard for me to achieve - that is true, deep, restorative sleep I thought I would go in search of some advice from other fibro people online. I came across the following article and have also read a few interesting paragraphs here and there of late, one being that resting is not a good idea for people with this condition. It's strange though because usually resting is what is recommended for many other health conditions. 

The following link is a good piece of advice about Sleep, head on over and have a look.

READ THIS >>  Fibromyalgia and Sleep 

Also, drinking and eating the right things prior to heading to bed to sleep will also assist in getting a good night's rest. Most people would already be aware of what is a good drink before bed, as am I. I avoid caffeine drinks like coffee and black teas and instead drink a beneficial sleep tea mix which has chamomile in it amongst a few other ingredients, or peppermint tea, mostly green tea. 

READ THIS >>  Best Teas for Sleep

READ THIS >>  Herbal Teas

Mother's Day 2022

 



Today is Mother's Day in South Australia, of which I have mixed emotions already, most likely because I am not well within myself mentally and physically at the moment (read previous blog entry). I awoke this morning with Henry in the bed next to me, hubby on the couch again obviously. Henry has slept one night in his bed this week - yes we are making progress! Baby steps. 

Breakfast - was Bruschetta with tomatoes, fresh basil and bocconcini , followed by a fruit salad. I had requested a fresh breakkie for a change. After that hubby took the boys with him to see his mum (for the rest of the day) he eventually came home after 6:30pm!! I stayed home and watched a couple of movies with my daughter, one being Mother's Day and then a freaky horror/supernatural movie (that we probably shouldn't have watched so close to sunset). It was nice just sitting around watching movies together, but my daughter had gotten very unwell on Sunday then tested positive that evening for Covid-19, thank goodness she is double-vaxxed, her symptoms could have been so much worse.


Saturday, May 7, 2022

Blog Diary Entry for May 2022 - work/life overload

I have managed to squeeze in a bit of time to do an entry, but oh my gosh, life has been incredibly busy, mostly working in our scrap metal business, navigating on the scrap runs and admin work has been 24-7!! Even over the Easter Holiday break when some businesses are closed! It's Saturday here in South Australia, and it has been icy cold both at night and by day, Friday was our coldest daytime temperature in ages for this time of the year.

This past week, I have been doing everything, working in the day, admin duties at night, housework wise I have also been doing the dishes - washing AND putting away. None of the kids have helped out, even hubby hadn't for the most part either. Cooking dinners, making school lunches, injuring myself on top of the regular fibro pains... I have flipped my lid at the school, at our neighbours (which we had to call the police about) and at my children. 

I have reached my limit. 

This is what life is like when I am not on a medical certificate that exempts me from mutual obligations. It has been so crazy trying to organise the paper work and the bullshit the social security system and job networks put on their clients; especially when I am working over 30 hours a week!! The amount of pressure I am under is causing significant mental health strain and negative thoughts; as well as incredibly debilitating pains, to which I have not had any pain-relievers for, only the Magnesium forte.

Mother's Day is tomorrow. I have mixed feelings about that, hubby is doing an amazing job of rallying the troops to get things organised for the morning for me, especially with the boys. Lots of secret stuff going on today. Yes, I am minding my business instead of being my usual curious self.


..... 

Wednesday, April 6, 2022

Does a Fear of Intimacy (in their man) affect women living with Chronic Pains?

 



I wanted to write this blog late last year (in Nov/Dec 2021) because I thought perhaps my hubby had a fear of intimacy, we had not been intimate around each other for a long, long time; and I don't necessarily mean in the sexual sense either. I truly believe that one can be sexual and one can be intimate on different levels. Although some people mostly likely believe that intimacy goes hand-in-hand with sex.

When hubby and I first met (in early 2013) and then during the first few years, we were intimate in all sorts of ways, again, not just sexually. As an example kissing, holding hands, connecting emotionally, touch - as simple as resting ones hand on a thigh in a non-sexual way. Ever since then he's distant in that area and I would say for numerous reasons, but of the reasons he quite often uses is:

 "my ex stole all my romance" 

or 

"I'm no longer as intimate because of her".

Now, I feel that's just a cop out, a meaningless excuse. He and his ex were together for about 18 months and separated when their son was one years old. Then he had a few casual sex encounters after that, right up until before we started chatting online around December 2012. 

I honestly feel that there is some other loss going on inside him as to why he does not feel as intimate with me. And although he has started to really try to be touchy-feely it seems like so much effort on his part and it makes me feel lonely, deeply alone. And something I perhaps may not have acknowledged til now, is that there is a difference between being ALONE and being LONELY.

"There is a difference between

 being Alone and being Lonely."




Firstly, what is Intimacy?

As I mentioned above, it is often thought to be of a romantic or sexual nature, perhaps this is the manner in which males are often thought to believe intimacy is all about. Intimacy is relevant in not just a relationship between a couple who is involved (sexually) but also in friendships. It is about letting others get to know the real you, from a deeper level:

  • To be able to express Emotional feelings
  • To have an open attitude towards Experiencing things
  • To feel comfortable in Expressing ones opinions, thoughts, ideas...
  • To share a natural Physical closeness

Perhaps this is why those who fear intimacy find it so difficult to be vulnerable, however in saying that, the types of people that have this fear are often those that are extroverts. Strange I know, but they find it easier to entertain a group of friends and mix and mingle whilst hiding this fear. 

Secondly, why is there a fear of intimacy?

Underneath the fear of intimacy is lurking a bigger fear of abandonment. It's an interesting theory and one I was surprised to read about however it did ding a bell (so-to-speak) with me, because hubby's greatest fear in our relationship, particularly in the early years, prior to marriage, was the lack of security, the thoughts of 

"will she leave me" or "am I not good enough" 

the kind of thoughts we generally don't think men would be thinking, because of the misconception that men must be strong. It is my understanding that these types of fears stem from a past trauma, likely one from their childhood, where someone close to them abandoned them, or passed away. Or that they felt overwhelmed by the emotional needs of others.




Thirdly, how can I be more intimate?

Intimacy takes time, but we can develop ways to build that into our relationships by trying one or many of the following:

  1. Accept that your relationship will have hurdles.
  2. Celebrate the positive things in your relationship.
  3. Acknowledge and be grateful for what you do have.
  4. Talk openly about feelings and what you need.
  5. Create opportunities for intimacy e.g. by open communication

In my own relationship my husband and I are taking steps to re-awaken his romantic side with me. I already know that massages, even therapeutic ones are out of the question. The ache that fills deep inside me to be touched by him (in a non-sexual way) it's such a yearning I could very well write fiction about it; and yes that thought has already crossed my mind.

I shall likely write more about our intimacy progress in another blog entry in the near future.