I so desperately need "me time".

I need time out from everyone else's emotions and thoughts AND needs.

My brain and my empathetic nature is in overload.

My head hurts - deep inside and out.

I can't seem to get any time to myself, any true time.

I'm tired of being there for everyone.

I guess for you to imagine what it's like, think of a million voices whispering in your head all at once, some talking loud, some talking louder.

And your body, aching, sore, tender, burning.

--

I have been playing a mind game of late:

I imagine myself packing a small bag, and heading down south for the weekend.

I am - just me - by myself.

No digital devices.

A place to recapture me.

To breathe again.

--

It's so incredibly hard living daily with Fibro and Endo and PTSD AND having to constantly be on the watch for ALL of my garden plants and house decor; in case number 9 decides to destroy something. AGAIN.

I need to check out, somehow.

The violence of January 11th has not settled within me, and has been proven since that is still an issue in the home - sadly.

- Odé to be an innocent child again, growing up in a world where digital devices hardly existed.

 

Fibro Flare

 

OMFG! I am regretting walking so far this morning. 

My bursitis in my right hip is angry!

I was really surprised when hubby said at the dinner table that I should just keep pushing past the pain. His comment made me feel angry. I attempted to explain to him why I actually shouldn't push past the pain, I don't think it helped at all. I managed to cook a nice meal for dinner though - beef & beetroot patties with penné and a really nice Greek style dressing. I think personally I would have eaten it in a salad with some greens, but having three kids it's just easier and more cost efficient to use pasta. 

I was exhausted after eating though - well more like a HUGE tiredness over my entire body, I literally could not move, even my feet were in pain. I've been limping because of my (right) hip bursitis, yet I managed to cook dinner for the family and feed both our dogs and the cat. All the while completely forgetting about the sprinkler I had on the front lawn. Ffs! 

Fibro Flare  |  

Slept fairly heavy (for a change) last night, I really must stop watching Criminal Minds right before bed - I can usually handle the graphic content on many of the episodes, however lately it is affecting me considerably. I don't really want to be having nightmares about slaughtering live animals particularly right before my school morning alarm goes off. "Good morning beautiful, how was your night.... " my alarm sound is a song. Sometimes it will go off and Henry (who still sleeps in our bed at age 6!) will sing a long with it. Such a sweety.

I discovered this morning that hubby had no jobs booked in today - not good for business but rather nice for us to spend some quality time together. Something we nearly never manage to find. I've had a terrible case of allergies this week - damn wild grasses in our area. We decided to go for a walk on our local beach - the tide was out, the sun shining and the sea was relatively flat - so beautiful. Yesss! We finally made it to the beach this Summer. Last year 2020 we didn't. A few years ago when Henry (our 6 year old) was smaller we often went for a regular walk along the beach - in the water one way, then the sand on the way back.

It was an absolutely beautiful walk - I set myself a goal and managed to push myself to make it without too much pain from my fibromyalgia. Walking in the water itself - nearly to knee height certainly helps build strength. I am feeling extremely fatigued now - an hour or so post-beach walk. Must keep myself awake, perhaps time for some lunch.

Moana Beach, South Australia | Exercise and Fibromyalgia | Disturbing Nightmares |