Drinking: Peppermint Tea 

Whoops! I swear I didn't forget to blog in August, life has been so hectic and a little bit on the awful side. 

My husband and my daughter (15 year's old) had a huge blow-up and I rung the police. It was a very confronting thing seeing him in handcuffs. That part wasn't because I rung the cops, that was because he became all irrational and wouldn't comply with what they were telling him to do. Our boys saw him in handcuffs after I collected them from school, so that was a bit of an ordeal for them. So the cops ended up taking him to Noarlunga emergency where he was assessed by the mental health triage. The "nemhs" team were involved for a couple of weeks, and were fairly certain that this angry outburst of hubby's was a hiccup. (Compared to last time, a few years ago.) Anyway we're still getting over all of that, except for hubby, he didn't take long - never really does. Our child support worker has been involved and we are finally getting some services in place for #10. She's helped me fill out a referral form for the Star Bear program which is run through Anglicare. It is for children who are grieving after the loss of a sibling or loved one in their life. It is a weekend camp where the child can go to escape everyday life and grieve for the their loss. I am really keen for #10 to experience the Star Bear camp because he has never been allowed to grieve the loss of his (maternal) mum; the death that he witnessed and that we believe was not accidental.

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More Helpful Links:

Trauma/Grief   |   Suicide/Self-Harm   |   

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Today is Father's Day in South Australia, I wasn't able to spend any of it with my dad, because mum is having surgery after the weekend and needed to prep (special dietary changes) for it.

Day 2 of South Australia's 7-Day LOCKDOWN

 Drinking: Dilmah Rose & French Vanilla Black Tea

Well Day 1 of the 7-Day Lockdown happened yesterday, the boys are behaving as though it's school holidays still, they had one day back at school this week - Tuesday (as they were both sick on Monday. It's hard enough getting Henry off to school as it is without having a bloody lockdown. Hubby let me sleep in to nearly the middle of the day, I sure as heck needed it after the night before - taking care of hubby and 2 of the kids in one night is a lot for my body. After the sleep in hubby went out to the shed to continue decommissioning the scrap metal items. Yesterday's temperature was freezing, but it's even colder today!! I allowed the boys to watch a little tellie via You-Tube from 4pm til dinner was ready. They could easily watch it ALL day! Tilli kept to herself in her room, resting her injured thigh in her bed, she badly needed to sleep but was somehow unable to, poor thing. 

The weather has been so cold that I have had the heater in the lounge on all night and all day at the moment. Yet I have one son who thinks it's summer cause he is wearing shorts and a tee-shirt! I have many layers on (sitting in my bedroom at my art desk) even a scarf and gloves (the gloves with the exposed fingers). I can literally feel the cold air around my exposed skin - my ears and face. Unfortunately the heater in the lounge does not reach our bedrooms - they remain as cold as the air outside pretty much - and the temperature on our front porch is 8 degrees Celsius so our bedroom is probably 10 degrees Celsius. On my weather app it says that it is 9.1 degrees outside yet feels like 4 degrees!! 

The boys are both doing my head in today, I have had one panic attack when my DES worker rung me and said she may have a job for me. Like seriously what happened to keeping me in the 2 admin jobs I am already working and helping me to stay in them through your funding you offer. The stress from that combined with the kids being home AND lockdown has instantly put my mind into a lack of control and confusion; meaning I am already having negative thoughts - though fleeting, of self harm. Which also makes my head worse - it's been nearly a month now with chronic migraines - what gives! It's been 2 weeks since I had to stop taking the contraceptive pill - because the migraines puts me at increase risk for stroke.

*sighs*

I see my doctor, late next Wednesday afternoon to get a new medical certificate for Centrelink/DES. I'm so worried that my migraines are a result of what they found in my MRI scan of my brain, I wish I could see that neurologist sooner then 12 months! At least to rule out that it's not a tumor and the cyst is not causing the migraines.

Home schooling all three kids whilst in lockdown sucks big time, We have to teach them stuff that we ourselves were never taught when we went through school. We have three different levels of learning: Henry is age 6 in grade 1, Blair is 10 in grade 4 and Tilli is nearly 15 in grade 9. What's stupid is that Henry's school work for the lockdown is more extensive then Blair's! That's 3 instant headaches right there!

On a good news front - Henry has now been sleeping in his own bed for the past 2 nights - we got bunk beds again and I gave him the top bunk. That means I can sleep through the night in my own bed more comfortably.

Drinking: Green Tea    

 So my doctor sent me off to get an MRI done in early March - it took me nearly two months to build up the courage to book it in. I have since had it done - last week; it was the most scariest thing I have ever done, it wasn't painful it was unbearably loud. They did give me headphones yet the noise levels were so high from the MRI machine that it didn't help me much. My doctor was testing for MS (Multiple Sclerosis: potentially disabling disease of the brain and spinal cord (central nervous system). And to see why I am getting uncontrollable spasms/seizures/twitches. I have also been having what I can only describe as night terrors but also waking up from my body having convulsions as well. 

I got the results of my MRI this morning, it's negative for MS, but I do have scattered non-specific white matter over the brain and a small non-specific subependymal cyst in the left atria of the lateral ventricle. Wow what a mouthful that is to type. I am pleased about not having MS, but am concerned over the results. I have been referred to a neurologist but the waiting time is lengthy.

Feeling lost, worried and confused.