When I was a little kid growing up in my childhood home, I remember this huge word my mum used to always use to describe me and the pains I had. I never knew when I was little what it meant, that is until I became a teenager and had access to a dictionary to look up the meaning of the word.
I was devastated and angry when I found out the meaning. To me, it meant my mum didn't believe me. It meant she didn't believe I was unwell. It made me feel like I was crazy, like all the pains I ever felt were all in my head. So not only did I have these massive pains in my body that kept me from joining in and going to school; I had someone whom I looked up to - that didn't believe me.
I remember lying in my bed not being able to move - my knees felt like they were locked up, stiff, someone brought me a tea-towel that had been made wet and was warm and that was placed over my knees. I didn't understand why my knees wouldn't move. Neither did my parents. But if they had no idea then what hope was there for me.
Was, this the beginning of (my) fibromyalgia??
When I was in grade 4 at primary school I became really unwell with a viral infection then I got a re-infection that became Pneumonia - I remember being away from school for about half the year, and all I did was cough and cough up mucus and feel drained. I also felt left out, I missed out on getting to go the Royal Adelaide Show with my family and my grandparents. I also remember the constant smell of camphor - I'm pretty sure I had a piece of it wrapped in a bit of cloth around my neck. It rested on my chest and aided in my breathing. (Man I would have stunk, that stuff is so strong.) If my mum had not been able to take care of me whilst I was sick for so many months I would have been admitted to hospital. I am grateful they she was able to, a hospital life at such a young age would not have been pleasant.
After that time in my life, I remember always having tummy aches, headaches and problems with my health. I thought that the big word my mum used meant that none of my health problems were actually real. And I'm pretty sure that's the way my mum saw it.
------------------------------------------------------------
Psychosomatic
- 1.(of a physical illness or other condition) caused or aggravated by a mental factor such as internal conflict or stress."her doctor was convinced that most of Edith's problems were psychosomatic"
So all the mental and emotional stress I was dealing with as a child was making my body create actual physical symptoms. Not fake physical symptoms.
Expressive ARTS Therapies for Relief
No comments:
Post a Comment