Drinking: water    |    Listening to: Centrelink wait music

Wow I didn't realise it had been that long since I last blogged, school holidays here in South Australia are nearly over - thank god! What is over right now is my (4 month) exemption to be job active, wow talk about major stressor. What doesn't help matters is hubby keeps getting panic attacks - alot. We just got back from a job interview for my daughter (14) at one of my favourite shops - Canopy Home Fashion. They are going to give her a trial for a couple of hours (along with a few other girls) to see who will be right for the casual schoolies position. I am so happy for her, she's growing up so fast now, no longer my adorable 3 year old.

As many Fibro sufferers know stress is the number one thing to avoid with our condition, unfortunately that is not an easy task. Nor is it easy to summon calm - if only clicking your fingers could do that.

On some good news front, I spoke with a lady from a child well-being program yesterday - so glad that she will be helping us with #9 in particular and our family unit; it will be great to have support again.

Mother in Law's full-stop

Drinking: water    |     Eating: Cinnamon Donuts

We had my hubby's mother over the other day (Easter Sunday), I have to follow all these ridiculous rules when we visit her at her house AND at my house! One of these rules - the main one, is to not be on our mobile phones whilst she is around. I hate this rule because at her house I'm usually just sitting there - bored. Last time I went on my phone because nothing was happening, no body was talking to me, no body was talking at all, and the second I went on my phone she got angry with me and proceeded to start entering a conversation. Seriously!

Anyhow I did my best with her at our house, I remained near by, I started conversations, I made sure to look after her needs etc.. etc.. She was there from about 3pm to 9pm. Yes, she also stayed for dinner - which I made a lovely roast chook and veg, with Yorkshire puddings. She never understands why I make Yorkshires with a chicken roast dinner, because traditionally they are made with a lamb roast (I think).

I always feel like my fibro pain is in competition with her pains, she does not accept any help for her pains - no physio, no massage, nothing,  just very strong painkillers (Panadiene forte). I do not understand how they can possibly still be effective against her pain (back pain mostly). She also takes Lyrica for apparent nerve pain I think in her back. She is on an anti-psychotic med that is only available in Australia on a trial basis currently. And takes Valium quite a lot as well often skipping her prescription meds, taking them with a lot of alcohol and smoking considerably. I have accepted all manner of help for the fibro pains and am still trying different methods to deal/live with it. Don't get me wrong I have had chronic pains all my life - mostly undiagnosed Endometriosis.

I would have thought (again) she would have had more compassion for another woman with chronic pains, alas no. Her theory for my fibro fog was hilarious, "it must be something you recall from your childhood.." was her explanation for why I kept referring to elastic bands as sultanas. My fibro-fog has been ridiculously bad of late - there is a significant difference between calling the microwave - the fridge or your child the wrong name of one of your other children; that's different. Fibro fog is hellish in my opinion.

~

I've attempted several times to write this blog entry today, it is now nearly 8:30pm on a Friday night and I am tired with a severely painful left arm - which I am fairly certain is not related to an impending heart attack but it does make me worry. I think it is aching from driving too much yesterday it started in my wrists but has radiated up my left arm. It needs some trigger therapy on it for relief.

Good Friday Bad Brother

 Drinking: water    | Listening to: SPOTIFY Bnspyrd by Acoustic Voices playlist

Today was Good Friday here in South Australia, it was quite a warm day actually, with an occasional breeze to cool us. We went to an adventure playground locally and met up with most of the family - my siblings included and Grandma - who is 99! It was supposed to be a morning tea at 10am however my sister was having troubles settling her four month old and they had both been awake since 3am! Poor souls. The day panned out with an Easter egg hunt around our picnic rugs and chairs, a huge gum tree played nicely to hide a few brightly foiled eggs; before they started to melt in the warm Aussie sun. 

It was lovely to catch up with the family - Mum and Dad, GeeGee (short for Great Grandma, a fond name we endeared to my Grandma when my daughter Tilli was knee high to a grasshopper). My parents had recently returned from Victoria on a caravan mini-break to spend time with friends, so it was lovely to catch up with Mum. I noted how trendy she was looking in a fresh modern tee-shirt that she had purchased from Port Fairy.

My (older, by 2 years) brother arrived with his wife and their son - now an even more anti-social teenager. I really have no idea what I have done for my brother to be so ignorant and arrogant and oh gosh just plain awful towards me. When ever we have a family thing, no matter where it is he ignores me. I've tried many times to acknowledge him, to say hello on arrival. Geeze I'm getting teary writing about it, obviously it hurts me somewhere deep inside. I hate the way he makes me feel. That I'm inferior to him or something. He ignores not just me - he didn't even say hello to my daughter today or my hubby. He was fine with our boys though. 

Recently via text message (prior to Christmas 2020) he accused me of always needing money and having to get "financial"assistance from our Dad. Which isn't the case. This came about because hubby and I were looking into (earlier in 2020) building a home, we wanted to know what our options were and knew that my parents had helped out both of my siblings financially. My brother flew off the handle with me on this. My brother and my sister have both managed to build their own homes - I am renting, we kind of prefer it, yet it would be wonderful to own our own home one day.

So, anyway how can one family turn out to be so individually different from one another?

How can you have a narcissistic brother, an empath (me) and ... hmm I'm not entirely sure what traits my sister has, I guess she's a bit in-between or something else entirely.

~

Asides from the negativity of my brother, I was worried about not lasting a couple of hours at the park with the family because I have been having terrible insomnia and chronic fatigue for the past week. So far I haven't had a rest at all today, even though I really wanted to, I stayed up when hubby had one late this arvo. I'm about ready to hop into bed now actually, but my body is terribly aching and sore. Plus I have several tabs open on my computer - been instagramming today. (Is that even a word!?) 

I hope I sleep restoratively tonight. (Is that a word too?!)

...........................................

PS. For the life of me I wish I could just think of the word for "elastic bands" when I am in the moment and not keep calling them Sultanas!!  I know what they're called just my stupid fibro-fog twists words.

REFERENCE: https://www.heysigmund.com/toxic-people/comment-page-1/